Monday, March 1, 2010

Interview with Annie and Roxi

Hello! This is Evelyn, your Reporter to the Ordinary.  It hasn't been easy to pin down this fast-moving pair, but I found them coming off a junk-food/hockey/Olympics high and was able to ask them a few questions.

Evelyn:  Annie!  Roxi!  Over here!  Do you have a minute to talk?

Roxi [brushing Frito crumbs from fleece]:  Mmmph?

Annie:  Sure, what's up?

E:  Your fourteen friends are buzzing with talk of your performance on the Get Out of Town event.  Can we ask you some questions?

R:  Are you going to eat that Twizzler?

A:  Buzzing?  Really?  That's odd.  Yeah, we're glad to talk about it - what would you like to know?

E: I'm sure you've heard people say that this is the sort of thing best reserved for retirement.  Work hard, make a lot of money, then play - that sort of thing.  But, you're going a different way.  Why is that?

A:  We think waiting for retirement is the sort of thing smart people might do.  Get a healthy nest egg, retire at 65 or so, then head out.  That's just not the sort of thing we want to do.  You know, Evelyn, not everyone lives to 65.  Roxi and I have always been the cautious sort.  Most people are naturally cautious, wouldn't you say?  We just decided that we wanted to do this crazy thing now, while we have the nerve.  Later we may or may not have a nest egg, and we may or may not have the courage.  Right now is when life is happening.  All the rest is an illusion.

E:  Roxi, what would you add to that?

R:  Please pass the chips ...

E:  And, about living in the present, what would you say?

R:  ... and dip.

E:  ANNIE, are you leaving because you hate New York State?

A:  Oh, gosh no!  New York rocks.  Especially the Finger Lakes region.  We love it here.  New York has a lot going for it.  Right, hon?

R:  Maple syrup.

A:  Right!  And cultural diversity, and the arts.  And proximity to two of the greatest cities in North America, the Big Apple and Second City.

R:  Canada won! 

A:  [off-mike] Sweetie, there are some M & Ms left!  Why don't you tell me how many?

R [moving ponderously across room]:  They melt in my mouth, not in my hands.

E:  Annie, you've been having some trouble getting corporate sponsorship.  Why do you think that is?

R:  You know, Evelyn, we've just been gettin' out there, we've been hitting the ice, we've been working on our offense, but the goals have been well-blocked and we just didn't make the most of our power plays.  We played a good game, but they were better tonight.  This was just another game for us, and we had a lot of fun playing.

E:  Right!  Annie?

A:  It's not that we'd turn down Quaker State or Geritol if they approached us.  Heck, we'd take on Cialis if we could still clear the overpasses [laughs nervously].  The truth is, as we age, not as many people are interested in watching us lap up the asphalt, pull off at rest areas, and drink coffee while driving a seven-ton vehicle as when we were twenty-somethings.  It's a young woman's game.  That's where the corporate money is going.  Young women in motorhomes.

E:  So, about this change of project vehicles ...

A:  [laughs]  Yeah, I know.  It was a rookie mistake.  We made the best decision we could, based on what we knew then.  Like a friend said, based on what we know now, this feels like the way we need to go.  When we realized we wanted to change course a bit, the project still felt important enough to suffer this minor setback and plan-change.

E:  You thought you'd be on the road by last November.  What happened?

A:  Oh man, what didn't happen?  We weren't ready to put the house on the market.  Winter hit.  If you know upstate New York winters, you know it paralyzes the best-laid plans.  Roxi gets seasonal affective disorder, which tends to slow her mental faculties a bit ...

R:  What?

A:  ... and she finds it difficult to contribute to a project, or really survival in general...

R:  What?

A:, we put things on hold through the winter.

E:  There was talk of you taking a layoff?  How does that look?

A:  Oh, that was disappointing.  Apparently my department will remain intact, which, as you know, was a huge personal blow.  To make things worse, my boss assured me that I was indispensable to the operation of our mission.  I won't lie, Evelyn, I took that hard.

E:  And, about Roxi [whispers]:  Does she, you know, have a little job or anything?

A:  Oh yes, she works two days a week!  She's very productive. 

R:  Wheat ...

E:  Wheat?

R:  Wheat makes toast.

A:  She works for a wheat breeding program.  They're very glad to have her!

E:  And, is there a subsidy for hiring her?

R:  What?

E:  Do you have a new timeline for hitting the road?

A:  We're in the process of setting goals.  We've got a deadline for sitting down to make a goal [laughs].  I haven't completely abandoned the hope for a layoff, although my hopes were nearly crushed by the devastating news of financial solvency in our department.  We need to find our dream coach and buy it.  We need to get the house on the market.  After that, really, anytime!

R:  Get your pecan logs at Stuckey's.

E:  Annie and Roxi, thanks so much for talking with us.  Our audience may have other questions - would you be willing to entertain them?

R:  Sea World entertains you.  Sea World makes you smile.

A:  Sure, we'd be glad to answer questions. 

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Anonymous said...

This is way too funny guys came in fourth in the "Git yer RVass outta hir" during this past winter olympics...but hey then you don't have to lug around some damn heavy medal.
~Lots of luv from yir pal Linus the small red bunny butt licker

¡Vizcacha! said...

Hi Linus,

You're right, and we didn't have a scrunchie around our necks, either. Then again, dignity is pretty overrated.

Your buddy,

Carolyn said...

Canada Won!

¡Vizcacha! said...

Go Team Canada! eh?

Kat said...

Entertaining as usual!!!
btw _ the "r" stands for Raymond right?

¡Vizcacha! said...


You mean the guy everyone loves? Definitely.